Dear Mom,
Remember when you bought me those purple spandex pants to
wear to dance class when I was 13? I was a little skeptical to wear them to
class that night, but you insisted that they were “cute” and all the other
girls in the class would be jealous. They literally pointed and laughed at me
when I walked in. That experience
was really only half as bad as the time you picked out a metallic, shiny,
long-sleeve button up for me to wear to the 8th grade winter dance.
Mom…you gave really terrible fashion advice.
I don’t know why that popped into my head the other day as I
was searching for a shirt to wear on race day. I opted for a clearance, gray
dry-fit shirt. I tossed out your loud, and unique fashion advice years ago but
I’ve held onto your advice on thrifty shopping. Thanks for that.
A little over two years ago I weighed almost 370 pounds. I’m
glad you never saw me like that, because I’m sure you would have blamed
yourself. Which is strange, because I
kind of blamed you. Even though I was always overweight, I blamed your death
for causing me to completely give up. But here I am, nearly 180 pounds down…and
happy.
I did something this weekend I never thought I’d do. I ran a
half-marathon. I finished it in less than three hours. For a girl who “ran” an
18:30 mile two years ago, that’s pretty good. Of course I was disappointed in
my overall time, but not for long. I thought about what you would have said had
you been there and I know you would have been pissed had I chosen to dwell on
my time instead of the great accomplishment of finishing.
Eric and I trained several months for this. You never met
Eric, but you would have loved him. He pushed me through some really difficult
runs and difficult parts of life. He’s now stood by me through the two biggest accomplishments
of my life and of course has absolutely no idea just how important he’s been to
me. I cried in his arms when I
finished the race. He probably didn’t know that either. Knowing he would be
there when it was over, kept me going.
Dad was there too. He has offered such unbelievable support
for me over these past few years. He was cheering for me along the course and
he was waiting for me at the finish line. I knew he’d be crying too since he
cries at everything just like me. He might be the only other person in my life
who realized the importance of that moment and I’ll forever be grateful that I
got to share it with him.
I was going to tell you about how it rained cats and dogs
for most of the race and how my leg cramped the last tenth of a mile. But
really I just wanted to tell you that it happened. I crossed the finish
line. Eric and I celebrated with
giant beef burgers and beer. Then we went to a really fun wedding that night
and danced all night, even though it hurt to move.
Mom. Life is short. You would know that better than anyone.
I guess some days feel incredibly long, like you might never make it
through. But Saturday was one of
those days that I want to bottle up and replay on those difficult days. The
only way that day could have been any better would have been having you there.
I’m still high off the weekend. I’m high off the
accomplishment, fun, and love that I have in my life. I expected the world to
stop for awhile when I finished that race. But it kept moving like it always does.
Two days later and Eric is already asking me what’s next? What a great gift, to
be blessed with time.
We’re moving onto our next goal, but I wanted to just take a
quick minute to let you know I survived and how happy I am. I still miss you and wish you could be
a part of such a transformative part of my life. That was clear this weekend.
But I have some great people in my life Mom, and while they don’t have the
answer to everything like you seemed to…they DO give better fashion advice.
