Back when I didn't care about anything, it became somewhat routine for me to look at myself in the mirror, shrug and then go on about my day. I didn't much care how I looked or how I presented myself.
Now I notice EVERYthing. It's like those commercials about getting clear skin, removing the circles under your eyes, and getting rid of grey hair were made for me. Every day I find something new about myself to criticize. It's worse when other people notice.
This year I've been on medication to control my blood pressure, a dosage that my doctor claims will soon disappear due to my recent weight loss (boom). Unfortunately, it has done a number on my hair. So aside from the grey hair I'm combatting, it has also made my hair thin quite a bit. It is painfully noticeable to me, but now apparently everyone else. My hairdresser the other day commented, "Well..you just don't have much hair do you?"
Gee, thanks.
So now I'm cringing over that and my face that is actually showing legitimate signs of aging. Both of my older siblings look about 10 years younger than they actually are. I'm hoping that I'm going to hit an aging roadblock here soon and stay 25 forever. If not, I feel sorry for my future blog readers.
In other news...
I actually like my haircut. I got to spend some quality time with my lil sis today and I finally got the chance to kick a punching bag. So, things could be worse!
First, I should point out that when I was younger, people thought I was much older. For example, when I was a new student at Liberty Jr. High, I walked into the restroom and the girls put out their cigarettes because they thought I was a substitute teacher (true story). And now at the age of almost 43, I still get carded sometimes. It's a great system.
ReplyDeleteSecond, there are many ways to make hair look thicker. If your stylist hasn't done some creative layers for you (that don't look all layery and require tons of work), maybe you should try a new stylist? (If you want to try my girl, who I LOVE, I'll treat!!! We could make a beauty day out of it and get manis with Cleo afterward.)
Third, I still pick on things about myself ALL THE TIME. I'm always my biggest critic, but then I have to remind myself to be my biggest cheerleader, too. I can give you lots of good advice for how to deal with the things I hate about myself - tips for covering the bags under my eyes, making pores look smaller, making eyes and lips look bigger, making boobs look gravity-resistant, making my ass look bootlicious, etc. I can camouflage black (or missing) toenails, hide a shiny nose, and so on. My point? You're in good company. Every time you start picking on something about yourself, nip it in the bud and turn your focus onto something you like about yourself.
And then remind yourself that all this physical/superficial stuff is fun to torture ourselves over, but when we're on our deathbeds looking back on our lives, we won't be thinking, "Damn, my ass was glorious" or "I hated my thin hair." Instead, we should be thinking, "I'm glad I ran that marathon I always fantasized about. And I'm glad I told my friends and family that I loved them. And I'm glad I went to Graceland."
Amen.
(P.S. I love, adore, and respect you, and I couldn't be prouder of you.)