Friday, May 17, 2013

I'm baaaaack...kind of

On Tuesday I did a mile run to test my knee. I wore a knee brace and made it through the mile without any knee issues. In fact, my knee felt better after the run before I started it. I'm not sure how that worked out, but I wasn't going to complain.

Yesterday, I decided to get in four miles. The heat, asthma, allergies, and the flaring knee issue made for one of my most miserable runs yet. I actually didn't even notice my knee was bothering me until the last half hour. I think it had been the whole time though. I was just focused on my breathing and not throwing up.  I ran with water yesterday, and I was so irritated by it mid-run that I set it down to retrieve later.

I'm taking a legitimate rest day today. No lifting, no cross-training, nothing. I'm hoping that my knee feels well enough in the morning for me to attempt my 11 miles. On some level, it did feel good to get back into it. I sort of enjoyed my week off while my knee healed, but I don't want to spend another week that way. 

Friday, May 10, 2013


Well, my "running coach" said I need to lay off the running for at least the rest of the week. My running coach is a 17-year-old cross country star and marathon runner himself. He's a student, but he's really become a teacher when it comes to all my training. He always checks in during class and asks how many miles I'm putting in and what sort of problems I'm facing. I went through my knee issues from the past week, and he said it's time to give it a rest.

"It's better to lose a week than really injure yourself. Take a break."

Although he's not a doctor, I know he's right. I tried a couple runs this week, but had to cut them in half to avoid the knee pain. I was really looking forward to a big run this weekend as a tribute to my mom on Mother's Day, but I'll have to settle for something else until my knee feels better. I'm ahead of schedule in my training so I'm trying to not get too bummed out.

Either way, it's kind of a sad end to what was already a trying and frustrating week. I'm trying to stay positive though and I'm looking forward to a productive and hopefully, somewhat relaxing weekend.

Monday, May 6, 2013


You have no idea how badly I wanted double digits. If you could have been in my head around the four mile mark, you might be closer to understanding. But even then, I don't think it's possible.

It was just three weeks ago that I ran four miles without stopping, for the first time. I'll just quote myself here, "I honestly feel like four might be my max for jogging without stopping, but only time and my body will tell." 

My 10 mile run started as an attempt at 9, but even that thought just seemed absurd. It was the best start to a long run I've ever had. The first two miles were easy, almost enjoyable. I was thinking about other things and before I knew it, I was halfway through my third mile. Unfortunately, the fun pretty much ended there. All of a sudden, my legs became heavy and it became harder and harder to maintain my pace and breathe at the same time.

I found myself close to tears just thinking about stopping. I had an internal battle of epic proportions going on in my head. On one side, I told myself I could stop and walk for awhile. I knew if I stopped though, I might not be able to start again. My other thought was to just do a couple more miles and call it a day. I'm ahead of schedule on my training, so that seemed reasonable. But I just kept thinking about how badly I wanted to complete 10 miles.


Are you kidding me? 

But I got so freaking excited about the possibility, that I just kept pushing. I wanted it and I could have it. At mile seven the knee pain started. At mile eight my hip started giving me trouble. At that point though, I think I would have run through a broken leg or hip, a serious nose bleed, or whatever to make my ten miles. I would have peed my pants if I had to. 

And like that, it was over.
10 miles.

Life is so crazy. I hope to complete that half-marathon in June and then a full Marathon in December. Who knows what will happen between now and then thought. Right now, I've got a 10-miler completed and no one can take that away from me.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


It took me a really long time to recover from that first real-world job interview I had after college. I was psyched to get a face-to-face interview after a positive phone interview. It was for a video production company here in Kansas City. I had looked at the website and honestly believed I could bring something better to the table. By that point, I had been editing using an industry standard editing software, Final Cut Pro, for nearly eight years. Of course my self-esteem was at an all-time low, but even so, I genuinely thought that at the least, I could make a pretty good video editor. 

I arrived for my interview in the basement of some house in the middle of suburbia. It was clear to me from the initial introduction, that I was in for a treat. It was really less of an interview and more of a timed skills test. He had me perform some obscure editing tasks that I would never use in producing a commercial. But I did it, although obviously not the same way he would have. 

As I left he offered me some unsolicited advice, "If I were you, I wouldn't even put Final Cut Pro on your resume. You don't know what you're doing." Level-headed Katie should have taken this advice for what it was. It was actually drivel, coming from a man running a disorganized company out of his basement, who hadn't even bothered to look at my demo reel. Instead, I accepted his words as fact. I cried the 45 minutes home. I couldn't put Final Cut on my resume? That's really all I had.

My stomach still hurts thinking about that experience. I did everything I could to erase that moment from my memory, but it would just creep into my mind occasionally. My dad said to me, "Katie, do something so great that one day he comes to you looking for a job. That would be the greatest redemption." So while producing the documentary last year, I let myself think about it from time to time. I used it as fuel. 

I'm really bad about letting moments and comments like that eat away at me. I replay one from my Target days all the time. I was on my lunch break and had just stepped out of the bathroom stall to wash my hands. A little boy looked up to his mom and casually asked, "Mommy, why is that woman so fat?" I grimaced as she hushed him and scooted him out of the bathroom. I had been feeling really good about myself for losing 10 pounds. But I left work that day defeated and replayed those ten seconds in my head over and over. Ultimately, I lost my will to continue down the weight loss path. It was just too hard. I was destined for constant humiliation.

I've pushed those memories to the very back of my mind as an attempt to live a normal and happy life. Today, I let em flow. I came so close to stopping on my terrible, no-good, very bad run today. I needed something more than my will today, and so I thought about some of those awful comments and looks I've received over the past 20 years.  My run didn't become easier thinking about those things, but completing it without stopping became possible and then a reality. Maybe repressing those memories isn't good for the soul. Besides, I could use them for fuel.