Saturday, April 27, 2013

You can't, or you won't?

When you think about it, our bodies are incredible. They can survive without food for three weeks. They shiver to avoid freezing to death. They can lift a car with a pump of adrenaline. We so often underestimate our own strength.

We do this so often that we spend a lot of our lives telling ourselves, I can't do this. 

I can't do it? Or I won't? I've always felt that way about fitness. I felt that way in other parts of my life too. I can't get this job because I'm not talented enough. I can't approach that person because they're "out of my league." I can't pass this test because I'm not smart enough. I can't produce a documentary because I'm not good enough.

I can't? Or I won't?

I can't lose weight because this is how I was built. I can't become a runner because my legs won't support my body. I can't? Or I won't?

The truth is, I just wasn't doing it. I wasn't trying because accepting defeat before you try is sometimes easier than facing the dreaded "F-word." Failure. So I started asking myself that question all the time. Is it true that I cannot reach this goal or am I simply picking comfort over the risk of failure? We waste one of God's greatest gifts to us, the ability to choose, because we want easy over hard, and guarantees over unknown outcomes. That's depressing and boring.

I'm done with depressing, and I'm most certainly done with boring.

People ask me all the time, "What changed?" How was I able to lose 170 pounds in 15 months? I can say that a lot of it has to do with waking up in the mornings and thinking, "I can do this if I really want to." Of course, an incredible support system is a close second, but seriously folks I don't have a crazier story than that. It has been mind over matter this whole time, and my weakest days are the ones when I start thinking negatively again. The days that I eat too much or choose the couch over my workout are just a glimpse of my past, the old Katie that believed it wasn't worth it to try...that she wasn't worth it. It's not that I can't do my workout or that I can't keep my hand by my side instead of reaching for six cookies over one. I'm just saying I won't do this today, because I'm feeling like I can't.

I've faced that several times over the past couple months. I've had a hard time staying on track, even though I'm training for a half marathon. It's actually an almost ridiculous goal for me to be running 13.1 miles in June. I'm condensing a 12 week training plan (for people who have been serious runners for a long time) down to 10. I've been in an endless battle with myself trying to decide whether or not I should do the 10K instead of the half. I made my decision today and I'm ready to share it.

A year ago I thought to myself, I can't jog a quarter of a mile. I went down to the track at 280 pounds and ran that quarter mile because for some reason I chose "can" over "won't" that day.  I know there will be things in my life that I just simply cannot do, but thankfully I've got use of both my legs, a strong heart, and an inhaler. I can complete a half marathon in June if I want to.

I'm reading a book and I really find a lot of value in this excerpt,

"Realistic goals, goals restricted to the average ambition level, are uninspiring and will only fuel you through the first or second problem, at which point you throw in the towel. If the potential payoff is mediocre or average, so is your effort."

I think it's true. We avoid lofty goals to avoid failure and to minimize the effort needed to succeed.

Today I ran eight miles. I spent the entire first mile thinking none other than, I can't do this. My foot was hurting, my knee felt like it was going to collapse. Eight miles? Hell no. Half marathon is out. 10K? Probably not. I started replaying every failure from the week. Then I thought about one of my friends who's been using the "can't" word a lot and it reminded me that I was really saying I wasn't going to do it. It took me another mile to really find my groove, but when I turned "can't" to "can", all of a sudden...I could. My foot pain disappeared and all of a sudden, my knee could carry me. I just kept thinking, I will make it through this mile...and the next one. My knees are weak, but my will is strong.

Now, I've got an ice pack on my right knee and a little soreness in my hip, but I'm alive and healthy.

I can't run a half-marathon?
That's just not true. I can. I will.
I could do the 10K and be pleased, but why do I need to constantly be realistic? I didn't think I could reach half the goals I have in the past year. I haven't met all of them, but I can keep trucking. I've had so many people who have shared their stories of success with me the past year.If I could poll them, I'd ask them just what it is that finally pushed them through the ambition barrier.

You can't nail that interview? You can't ace that test? You can't lose the weight? You can't step outside of your comfort zone?

You can't do it, or you won't?


1 comment:

  1. Miss Katie,

    I am sitting here, struggling to study for my French exam that's tomorrow morning, and I decided to take a break (procrastination lingo) to read this post.

    And it was kind of perfect timing. I've been thinking all night, "I can't finish all of this. I can't understand any of this."

    Thanks to you, I'm reminded that I CAN always do/learn/be something.

    I feel so thankful to have you as not only my friend, but such a close one at that.

    I LOVE YOU.
    Thank you.

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